Everybody thinks I'm having it easy.
I can just tell you all in your faces, I am not.
& I don't even have the right to rant in case I am being labelled as insenstive.

Everyone's saying I have no need to fret because I have the liberty to choose my next step.
No, I don't.
I have a grandmother with this huge wish of seeing me go to JC & graduate from University, so she can see somebody from our family in that robe.
I have another grandmother who was immensely thrilled upon hearing that I can go to JC, and she ranted on and on about how I've gotta grow up and be obedient and do well in JC.
I have an aunt who finally praised me after God knows how many years, and nobody knew how much that "Good" in that long distance message meant to me. For once, I felt like she didn't waste her 4oo bucks monthly allowance on me, and she felt the same way too. She's even considering taking up the burden of my tuition fees in JC, which means slogging her guts out even harder in Dubai.
I have a mother who is ridden monthly by bills, car insurances, premiums, and she told me, in all desperation to go to JC, because she was afraid that I would end up with a lousy pay like hers. She's so afraid that I can't get to Monash/Sheffield, that's why she's adamant about me going to JC.
Lastly, it's common knowledge that if I want to go to a University, the JC path is always safer. And no, I can't stop at Poly, because I have two mothers, two fathers & two aunts to feed/repay.

Yet, I am desperate to go into NP's Mass Communications' course, followed by advanced standing in Sheffield/Monash.

I don't want to see any hearts broken, so I ought to break my own.

I need to be brave enough, I need directions.

Dear God, speak.
Amen.